I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
