We named our party play list daddy issues
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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