so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
