my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize