I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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