in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
