New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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