I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just threw up on my dentist
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
