i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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