Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Still dying that you shit outside
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
