I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
