so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
