Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize