And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
