Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
