Who did Billy Mays play for?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
