After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
