No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
