bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
