Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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