Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
