Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
