ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
