Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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