Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
