so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
