he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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