xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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