this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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