The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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