I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So vagazzling was a success
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