i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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