The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
