the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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