I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize