haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sorry about my life...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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