Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
