yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
