What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
