I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
