oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
