I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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