He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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