ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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