like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
