her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
