Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
