in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
