wrigley field is MILF paradise
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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