yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
