Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
