someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
