giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
