were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
why is half of my head shaved?
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