we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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