We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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