I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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