I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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