I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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