Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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