ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize