So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
