you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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