Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
