All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
