im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
