Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
