I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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