The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize