dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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