I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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