so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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