Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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