i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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