Whod you bang
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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