I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize