I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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