Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
