Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
