You can't special order awesome
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
