One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
