I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
