Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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