she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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