Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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