Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
