she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
