why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
