eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize