I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
