is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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