In the future we'll all be gay
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need moral support for this bender
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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